Hello, I'm Yeshmin Blechin. Are you not feeling so good? Maybe you think you're gonna be dead soon? If so, give us a call at Taleshmech Funeral Home! Your one stop shop for classy burials and body burnings at rock bottom prices! We got all the crap you need to put you in the ground or on somebody's mantlepiece today!
Caskets! Urns! (beat) ...that's it. Come in and try our deluxe silk-lined caskets for a burial in comfort!
You know, just in case you're not all the way dead. (beat) What? It happens.
Call now for our special offer: buy one embalming, get one FREE!