Romney, Santorum Supporters To Beat Living Shit Out Of Each Other At Montana Primary

Romney, Santorum Supporters To Beat Living Shit Out Of Each Other At Montana Primary

Onion News Network political analyst Jason Copeland explains Montana's unique primary process, in which the state's delegates are awarded to the winner of a no-holds-barred street fight.

UN Home Security System

The United Nations now offers your home the same security that countries have enjoyed for years. If your house is broken into, they will send unarmed observers to watch the burglars and then spend months debating the appropriate nonbinding resolution.